A local woman has officially "had enough of all these overly-happy fuckers" after being ambushed with one-too-many cheerful “Mornings!” by a stranger outside her local supermarket.
Mavis Turner, 63, said she was “just trying to buy a bloody loaf of bread” when some bright-eyed twat flashed a grin and offered her a bit of unsolicited happiness.
“I didn’t ask for a fucking TED Talk, I came out for some hot dogs,” she told reporters. “It’s always ‘Morning!’ like we’re all in some feel-good BBC drama. How about fucking off instead?”
According to witnesses, Mavis responded with a noise that can only be described as a growl and told the offending woman to “shove her sunshine where the sun don’t shine.”
Family say Mavis has been professionally grumpy since the mid-80s and recently achieved a new personal best by shouting at a pigeon for being “too perky.”
In response to the incident, Mavis has started a campaign called #NoSmilesBeforeNoon, already gathering support from other like-minded miserable bastards who agree that forced small talk should be punishable by law.
The local supermarket has since introduced a "Don’t Even Look at Me" express lane for shoppers who prefer silence, eye-rolling, and passive-aggressive tutting.
Mavis remains unimpressed. “I don’t want a loyalty card. I don’t want a chat. I want to buy my bread and get the hell back to my sofa in peace. Is that too much to fucking ask?”
