In partnership with
Fuckers across the nation are bracing for yet another shitty week ahead.
The latest reports show that most fuckers would rather stay in bed than face the week ahead.
Grumpy Fucker Terri Glumballs said if she had to get out of bed, it was likely she’d punch someone in the face. She told Grumpy Fuckers:
“I really can’t do it. I cannot bring myself to get out of my lovely, cosy bed, and face a world of fuckers. I just don’t have it in me. I messaged all my friends and they’ve said the same. When I delved a little deeper, it appears that the entire nation is saying the same thing.
“I remember the days when I’d bound of bed, full of life, and ready to face the day. When I get out of bed these days, I sound like a zombie. I can barely move. I drag myself downstairs for a shitty coffee, go to work to pay for the car that I bought so I could work, and then go home to bed. What’s the point?”
Government officials say that despite Monday offering the chance to reset and to adopt a positive mindset, within a few hours, some shit happens that causes us to give up.
“I don’t mean to be defeatist but you may as well stay in bed and not even bother,” said one government official.
Join over 4 million Americans who start their day with 1440 – your daily digest for unbiased, fact-centric news. From politics to sports, we cover it all by analyzing over 100 sources. Our concise, 5-minute read lands in your inbox each morning at no cost. Experience news without the noise; let 1440 help you make up your own mind. Sign up now and invite your friends and family to be part of the informed.